We all know breakups are horrible. On the flipside, they do offer an opportunity for growth when you start the journey back to your independent self. Sometimes we stay in a relationship for fear of being alone or having to start over. I’ve been there before too. But at some point I just had to let go, because in my heart I knew staying with that person was ultimately causing both of us more suffering than happiness.
I went through a breakup in my early twenties that was probably the most painful one I’ve been through. Not necessarily because of the breakup, but also because I was literally having a total identity crisis. I’ve always believed that women should be strong and powerful beings that can be independent and in control of their lives. But, that breakup made me feel the complete opposite. I felt alone, scared, and totally insecure.
After that breakup I spent a long time reflecting back on my life and what I wanted. I realized that by being committed to someone who wasn’t right for me, I was squandering my energy by trying to make the relationship work that ultimately was going to fail. I made a vow to myself that I would never end up in a relationship like that again, and be in a relationship where we had a ying yang balance. I also decided that I was going to achieve the dreams I had for myself at the time, which was to travel the world.
I totally fumbled along for a couple of months. It seemed like I took one step forward, and then another twenty back. It was really difficult and I definitely had my days where all I could do was cry and struggled to find a silver lining. But, I wouldn’t let the pain keep me from accomplishing my goals.
After many months exactly what I wanted came into my life. First came my wish of wanting to travel the world. If you haven’t already done so, you can read about that here. Next came meeting my other half, Christoph. Although my breakup and the months that followed were awful, there totally was the silver lining in the end. I had found the beginning of my dream life.
Sure, I know some of you are thinking I was just lucky. Yes, luck was definitely a big part of it, but another huge part was that I made a conscious decision to look for that kind of life. That’s what I need you to know. Following a breakup it’s super crucial for you to find faith and believe in yourself again. I totally believe that our thoughts create our reality, so that’s why it’s so important for you to really contemplate the life you want following a breakup.
I’m not saying that this is going to be an easy road. It won’t. Cry and grieve as much as you need to, and be patient with yourself. It will pass and you will find the solace that you need if you give yourself the time. It’s ok to be scared to end a relationship, but if it is keeping you from reaching your goals, then you really have to consider doing so.
As a final note, I just want to say that you should never deal with a breakup by yourself. Love is a complex topic, and trying to navigate your life post breakup can make the easiest task seem like a challenge. If you ever need someone to talk to, or advice in regards to a relationship you are in, I’d be more than happy to talk to you. You can reach out whenever you need. Back in the day, I was planning on being a couples & marriage counselor (who knows still might happen one day!), so I’ve got tons of articles, books, and other useful tips that I can pass on to you.